My baby boy stirred beside me, rousing me from my slumber. It was midnight. And although I’ve actually been sleeping for only a couple of hours, it certainly feels like my body has regained much strength, as if I’ve already slept for 8 hours rather than two. I felt my bladder screaming release and got quite annoyed because going to the bathroom at this hour only means two things. I’m going to fully awaken my sleeping brain and spend the rest of the night awake, or I can crawl my way to the bathroom and convince my semi-awake brain into thinking that I am still asleep and to not let go of what little sleep is left. Unfortunately (or fortunately!), it was the former.
I succumbed to my desire to check my social media accounts in the middle of the night and after about half an hour into it, I gently rolled over to my husband’s side and whispered that I can’t sleep. Unfortunately for me, the husband has not an ounce of strength to spare to keep me company. He dozed off before I even finished my sentence.
And so there I lay in my state of wakefulness, staring into what just earlier in the night were fully charged glow-in-the-dark stars in our bedroom ceiling and decided to write down my one and only thought.
The reality of the moment is this, I am squished in between my sleeping husband and baby. And as I feel the warmth of their bodies on either side of me, I think, there is no place I would rather be than here. I may be the only one awake at this time but I don’t feel alone at all. My heart is full.
I smile as I offer up a silent prayer to the Lord, thanking Him for His goodness and grace. And for the gift of here and now.
As I stare at my son in the darkness, I can see the outlines of his face, the gentle waves of his hair, the slight pout of his lips, and I think, “Hey, little guy, you look just like me!” I smell his hands, catching a whiff of milk that had dried up from his most recent feeding. I memorise his scent. I stay this way for a while, staring, drinking him in, until finally a bout of sleepiness envelopes me and I sleep, deeply and blissfully into the night.